Spiritual Sanity

by Jill Satterfield

Floating by Melina Meza

Sometimes I think I know something; but more often than not these days, I think I don’t. In fact, I’m finding great ease in not knowing, which is the total opposite of what I used to think. I remember as a child thinking that when I was an adult I would have opinions, but at that point I didn’t have them yet because I was still a kid. I remember working on developing opinions, and it paid off. I felt like I had grown up when I could say something wasn’t good to do, or that this type of clothing was better. I even went so far as to mimic my family’s values about where the best places to live were and what the most honorable vocations were. But now I have way too many opinions and I’m happily letting more and more of them go!

By watching my mind for so many years now, I’ve befriended impermanence and change. Stability in anything except awareness has gone off the wish list, which has made my life more full of ease. This is the sanity and ease of not knowing: being comfortable—not always liking, but being comfortable—with change.

Meeting moments with some sort of fresh and open view is like living on a boogie board—our mental and emotional muscles get more accustomed to being still within movement and know to expect change. We settle less into complacency and dullness, and stay more wakeful and bright. Freedom comes with the ability to not get hooked and pulled in a million directions at the (associatively patterned) whims of our minds. Freedom comes with the ability to be in the present and with not knowing or assuming or deciding what will come next, but riding the proverbial waves of natural moment-to-moment change.

Kindness towards the mind that loves stability and constancy comes from a heart that is already inherently resilient. And our hearts can be coaxed back to being open to change as the way things are. This is where mind, heart, and body are a fantastic team—each supporting each other as different instruments in the same orchestra. A little louder here, softer over there, not so fast here to develop increased harmony and communication. These components of our whole being can support each other at various times and in many ways. We start with just noticing the “I know” mind that might set off the nervous body pattern, which can scare the heart into hiding.

Spiritual sanity is knowing that we don’t always know and then taking a seat in the wisdom of not knowing—even if that looks lame in some people’s eyes. Not claiming to be an expert or guru might not be the best marketing tool or way to brand oneself but it is what can keep us healthy and honest. I’m all for being sane, open, and more childlike in my non-opinions when I can be. My brand may suffer (if I had one) but I sure won’t.

As an experiment in mindfulness try noticing your opinions about yourself as they arise. For instance when you think about yourself, how do you categorize yourself? Gender? Financial status? Race? Vegetarian? Liberal or conservative? Once you notice your definitions of yourself, watch how you respond when you deliberately bring up the opposite. For example, how you relate to someone who eats meat if you are a strict vegetarian or how do you feel about the Tea Party if you are a liberal? Does a fire in your belly flame up? These are rather simplistic examples, but are some that we might just be on autopilot about. The point, really, is to notice what we have previously unnoticed so that we can begin to make choices about what opinions and views we keep and why, and what we let go of because they block a potentially open and unencumbered view.

Opinions, perspectives, and view points are all really useful in our relative existence if we can have them and hold them so lightly that they might be gone at any moment. Entering into every moment with an open mind might not be totally possible for those of us not yet enlightened, but we can do our best to be lightened in our suffering load. Spiritual maturity then becomes holding less and less, and being open to much, much more.

When you demand nothing of the world, nor of God, when you want nothing, seek nothing, expect nothing, then the supreme state will come to you uninvited and unexpected. —Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj 

Jill Satterfield is the founder of Vajra Yoga + Meditation, a synthesis of yoga and Buddhism that combines meditation, yoga and contemplative practices. Named “one of the 4 leading yoga and Buddhist teachers in the country” by Shambhala Sun Magazine, Jill has instigated mindful and creative educational programs for over 28 years.

She is also the founder and Director of the School for Compassionate Action: Meditation, Yoga and Educational Support for Communities in Need, a not-for-profit that trains teachers, psychologists and health care providers to integrate mind and body practices into their professions. SCA also provides classes to people in chronic pain, with illness, those suffering from PTSD, and at-risk youth. Jill teaches workshops internationally, is a faculty member of Spirit Rock Meditation Center’s Mindfulness for Yoga Training and the Somatic Training in Marin, California, and is a guest teacher for many other training programs. To find out more about Jill, visit her website vajrayoga.com.