The Body You Want

by Nina

Janet, from the "Yoga for the Larger Woman" Calendar

“Around the same time, the thought hit me that I had been dragging this body around for all these past 50 years instead of really living in it. It came to me that I had not claimed this body, not moved into this body. I was renting it, but I didn’t live there. I didn’t want to live there—in the “undesirable” section of town.

“That began to change though when I realized no amount of wishing, bargaining or promising will change the fact that this is my body and that it benefits me greatly to “step up” and partner with my abilities, instead of wishing that things were different.” —Janet Wieneke

Have you noticed lately that some yoga magazines and advertisements have begun to co-opt the positive messages of the body image community in their efforts to promote the same old body-negative stories and products? It seems there’s a very profound disconnect going on. Here’s an example (not telling where I saw this):

So, um, let’s see. What they are saying here is that you CAN have the body you want (which is not the body you have) but ONLY if you love the body you already have (while at the same time working on trying to get the one you want).

Not only is this a completely illogical and confusing statement, but the message is really non-yogic. I’ve been writing a lot about attachment lately (see Attachment (Raga) to Our Ideas About Ourselves and Attachment (Raga), Depression, and Plan Z) and it seems to me that practicing asana to “get” the body you “want” is yet another form of attachment. In this case, you’re attached to an illusion that it is even possible to get another body. Yeah, that’s right. I don’t actually think you can get another body. (If I could really get the body I wanted instead of one that I have, that body would younger, taller, and that arthritis in my right hip would be gone overnight.)

Oh, wait, maybe what they are trying to say is that you can practice to make your own body look different, whether that means thinner, younger, or able to do showy yoga poses. But practicing asana to make your body look different means you’ve bought into an illusion that looking different—if that is even possible—will make you happier. (Yes, I know that this illusion is what sells magazines and products, which is why co-opting body positive messages to promote this illusion is so insidious.)

And the attachment to this illusion actually causes a lot of suffering. For one thing, always working on changing the way your body looks makes you feel shame over the your current appearance because you are, as Janet wrote, living in the “undesirable” section of town (see Yoga for Every Body for interview with her), and dissatisfaction with your current life, which you believe will be happier only after you change. And I even think it is possible that practicing to get a different body may interfere with your ability to be safe in your asana practice. Rather than tuning in to your body as it is now, always thinking about the body you want to have may cause you to go overboard and take physical risks that aren’t appropriate for you (boy, have I ever seen that in certain classes).

All of this is the complete opposite of cultivating santosha (the ability to be content with what we have or don’t have), which Patanjali tells us is what leads to true happiness (see The Second Branch of Yoga: The Niyamas).

Although I personally have never struggled with weight issues as did Janet W, whose wisdom I am quoting in this post, now that I’m older, I have put on some extra pounds and my body, of course, has become flabbier, wrinkled and spotted. I also have to face each day the fact that I no longer can do several of the poses I used to do (see Goodbye, Lotus Pose). Trying to change that with my asana practice is not only fruitless but is counterproductive. I actively enjoy practicing my asanas, and if I kept thinking about how I wanted a different body or if I could only do the poses I used to do while I was practicing, the deep appreciation and gratitude I have for the body I do have and for the beauty of my aliveness would be crushed (see Without Mirrors). So this is an issue for those of us who are aging as well as those younger people who struggle with body image issues.

(I’ll be writing tomorrow about practicing with a goal of becoming healthier, which I think is a whole different story, though also not without its own pitfalls.)

Yet I can certainly see the temptation for all of us to fall prey to this kind of thinking because we’re bombarded daily even by yoga magazines and certain yoga teachers with messages encouraging us to feel dissatisfied with our bodies and telling us to try to get the "body you want." I don’t know if this is happening because the yoga writers or teachers actually know they are selling out or whether they just aren’t bright enough to realize what they are doing. But, regardless, I feel it is vital for us, no matter our size or shape, age or race, to continue to get the message out that you can really only love the body you have after you let go of the fantasy of getting the body you want.

“The years I’ve spent wishing I looked different, acted different, was different—all a waste of time but apparently held the lesson/s I needed to learn. I never felt that yoga was available to me, a fat person. Yoga was the domain of the lithe and “enlightened.” While I think that is still the predominant thought, I KNOW yoga is available to anyone willing to let go of their “cerebral” inner voice and listen to the wisdom of their own body. It’s a tough sell, especially if you’re fat, but it is so worth the effort.” —Janet Wieneke

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